today,i didn`t have that much fun besides planning for the story.
i`m still figuring out how to do the f & n coursework but i thought that
i`ll just take a break and blog.earlier today,i saw something i wished
i didn`t see.during recess,our (nfs) usual seats were taken so we just sat
at the main staircase and chatted.i saw him pass by with his friend.he just
passed by,though his friend noticed that i was there,but he didn`t.he just
went into the bookshop and did his stuff.whatever it was,as i talked to my
friends,i kept my eyes on him.natasha was quite angry as she spoke.i tried my
best to calm her down but found myself agreeing to what she was saying.
we went up the stairs to the second floor even though the bell hadn`t rung
yet.we stood at the kinda big open "window" and just chatted.i went to the railing
on the other side and saw him.he was with a group of girls.again,i felt
heart-broken.i was really hurt.i totally wanted to cry.but i wanted to be
strong.i wanted to prove to myself that i could survive without him.that i
could survive even though i see him with other girls everyday,i told myself
that i could live through that.i wanted to be strong,not for him but for
myself.i succeeded just a little.i was able to forget what i saw,but my
heart still hurt pretty deeply.he left once again,another big scar in my heart.
but i tried to forget what i saw.at least i did.but not for long.
and earlier just now,i came across the sad story.it reminded me of him and
i began wondering if i really should tell him how i feel.because right now
didn`t seem like the right time.he`s totally ignoring me....and i also choose to
ignore him.sometimes i just wish i could yell at him that i like him.during
meetings,while waiting for the teachers to come up,i always felt that way.
but the sight of his smile never fails to melt my heart.even if he was smiling
at someone else,i just loved him more.all i can do now is look forward to
another story.a story that hopefully,would heal the pain in my heart.