“Freak.”
I resisted the urge to knock out her two front teeth and turned to face the front. I couldn’t help but sigh. For four years, I had been called a freak which was, I’m afraid, really true. Tiffany and gang loved to torment me, not only because I had freaks as friends, but also because I was every teacher’s pet.
From the very first time I met Tiffany, I hated her. And I know that she hated me too. I know that I am not as beautiful as her nor as popular as her. I had dark brown hair, but not as lovely as Tiffany’s blond hair. I wore glasses, unlike Tiffany who wore contacts. My eyes were a boring gray colour, not as alluring as Tiffany’s blue eyes. I wasn’t as sexy as her but the part I liked best about my body were my legs. They were long, tanned and had a bit of fat along with some muscles, unlike Tiffany’s bony legs.
The bell signaling the last period of the day rang. The students in my class cheered wildly and started for the exit. I was gathering my books when Mrs. Anderson called my name. Slowly and cautiously, I walked to her.
“Look, Kimberly, it would do you good if you stopped daydreaming during lessons. Especially MY lessons.” Mrs. Anderson began.
“I’m sorry.” I hung my head to avoid her eyes.
“I am not saying that you’re bad. You’re a really good student. Your grades are incredible. It’s just that, you are very easily distracted.” I’ve heard that last line countless times.
“I won’t do it again, Mom. I promise.” I looked up to stare at her. She looked alarmed.
“Mrs. Anderson, Kim.” She corrected me.
I ignored her and walked out. I always wondered where I got my intelligence from. I realized now that I got it from my mother. She was a Mathematics and Science teacher. And because of that, it was my job to do her proud by proving that even her offspring was as intelligent as her. That was what made me a geek, a freak, a nerd.
I never forgave my mother for making me this way. No one knew how I was related to my Math and Science teacher. Only the principal and teachers knew. When people noticed that we shared the same surname, I told them that it was just pure coincidence. I feared that if anyone found out, they would finally understand why Mrs. Anderson, or any other teacher, hardly ever scolded me. Upon knowing this, they may try to torment me even more. Especially Tiffany.
I walked down the hallway towards the teachers’ lounge, totally disregarded by the people passing by me. As I turned a corner, I bumped into Ashley Robinson, my best friend of four years.
“Off to find Miss Clarisse?” She asked.
“Yeah. Aren’t you searching for her too?”
“I guess.” Ashley walked beside me as we neared the teachers’ lounge. Just then, who should walk by other than my crush of thirteen months, Tony Phillips, the most good-looking guy I had ever met. He had a well-built body that showed obvious signs of abdominal muscles. His hair was a light brown colour and his deadly smile could mesmerize you. The mere sight of him could melt any girl’s heart.
I looked expectantly at Tony as we neared each other. Tony was smiling, which meant that he was in a good mood. I watched him, hoping that he would say hi or something. He passed me by and I accidentally banged into a vending machine.
Miss Clarisse was waiting for us outside the teachers’ lounge. She beamed at Ashley and me as we approached. She then looked around, as if searching for someone.
“Where’s our chairman?” She frowned.
“I suppose he’s busy.” Ashley shrugged.
“Well, this is after all, a big event that we’re planning. And he is our chairman, not to say the chairman of this event. How could he…” Miss Clarisse couldn’t finish her sentence because Tony appeared at my side. He smiled widely at Miss Clarisse.
“I am sure you know what punctuality means.” Miss Clarisse grumbled and headed for the main staircase that led up to the music room.
Tony quickly followed her to explain his lateness. Ashley and me followed Tony and Miss Clarisse up the stairs. The music room was vacant so we had the entire room to ourselves.
“Now, let me address the chairman and vice-chairman first.” Miss Clarisse announced as we all sat down. “Tony, Kim, I need you to know how important this Musicale Festival is to the school and you two, as our club leaders, should take this event very seriously.” Tony exchanged glances with me. I shrugged at him and we turned our attention back to Miss Clarisse.
“Now, we have this event only once a year, and it is usually to promote our club as we are the only Co-Curricular Activity that imparts music skills to our students. Your job is to make this event a success.”
Miss Clarisse explained what Tony and I had to do. We were assigned different sections of the event to be in charged of but nevertheless, we still had to work together. Ashley was my assistant to help me in planning the concert for the assembly period. William, the person Ashley liked, was Tony’s assistant in planning the festival.
Music For The Soul is a club that caters to students with musical talents. I play the piano. I’ve loved the piano ever since I started playing it when I was 6. Tony, however, plays the acoustic guitar. As Miss Clarisse had already pointed out, Tony was the chairman of Music For The Soul. I was the vice-chairman. We have both been leaders to the club for two years. That was how I developed feelings for the handsome, popular Tony Phillips. I don’t remember how it happened. His smile must have captivated me.
For the Festival, there will be a platform set up in the middle of the cafeteria during lunch where our club members will display their musical talents. Also, Tony and William will be showing a slide presentation of the successes of famous musicians to the school during the assembly. As for the Musicale Festival Concert, our members will split up in small groups and will together play music pieces composed by themselves as well as song pieces by famous singers and bands.
Miss Clarisse wanted a duet of Tony and me, as we were leaders of the club and therefore should show the school how well we worked together. I objected as I had wanted to pair up with Ashley. However, Miss Clarisse was firm with her decision.
“But Miss Clarisse…” I tried arguing.
“My decision is final.” She interrupted.
With that, she walked out of the room. Ashley looked sadly at me. We had both planned to pair up to play a particular song that we both liked. But now, our plan was ruined. Suddenly, I had an idea.
“Ashley, why don’t you pair up with William, since he doesn’t has a partner?”
“What?” She looked surprised.
“That’s a great idea!” Tony backed me up. “It‘s settled then. I’ll tell William and you two can get together this week to decide on what song you want to play.”
I bit back a laugh at Ashley’s confused face. I knew that she would like being paired up with William. I was right, Ashley agreed to the arrangement.
Over the next few days, Tony did not speak to me about the Musicale Concert. He had left so hurriedly the other day that I couldn’t ask him what song he wanted to play for our duet. He didn’t even attend the two meetings I held to let the club know what was happening. I was furious with him, not only because he missed the meetings, but also because he left me to do all the work alone.
I was walking to school alone one morning when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and was taken aback to see that brilliant smile of Tony’s. I couldn’t help smiling, despite my fury at him for missing the meetings.
“Yes?” I turned to continue walking.
“Have you decided on the song yet?” He asked, falling into step beside me.
“I thought you should decide the song. You’re the chairman.” I replied.
“Well, I thought I’ll let the lady decide this time.”
I stopped to look at him. He looked so handsome at that moment, his hair still wet from his shower and his eyes showing eagerness to start the day. It was really sweet of him to let me decide on our song, seeing how he used to always make the decisions. I sighed and walked on.
“Fine. I’ll decide on the song. I’ll get the notes too, for piano and guitar.”
“Super! You’re the best, Kim!” Tony patted me on the back gently.
I almost melted at his touch. During lessons, I couldn’t get him off my mind. I was especially mindful, though, about not daydreaming during Mom’s lessons. I had not spoken to her for days ever since she reprimanded me about my daydreaming habit.
I had already decided on the song I wanted to play with Tony. Miss Clarisse was agreeable to it and found the notes for me. I was ecstatic at the thought of staying back everyday to practise with Tony. When I reached home, I immediately rushed to my Bohemia piano to practise on the song. It was perfect. All we had to do now was combine the piano with the guitar.
Tony had made plans with me to meet in the music room to practise on our song. There was a piano there, which was convenient for me. But Tony had to bring his guitar along because there wasn’t one available in the music room.
On the following Monday, the day we were going to practise together, I saw Tony at his locker with his friends. They hardly noticed when I approached them. Only when I was standing in front of them did they turn their attention to me. They raised their eyebrows at me, wondering what I was up to.
“So Tony, are we still getting together later?” I asked, wanting to confirm the timing. His friends gawked at me. Tony chuckled.
“Sure, of course…” He smiled. I was about to smile back when what he said next stopped me.“…in your dreams.”
His boys laughed so hard, they fell over each other. I chewed my lower lip in embarrassment. Tony’s face was vacant, seemingly oblivious to my hurt feelings. I turned and ran away from there, the boys’ laughter ringing loudly in my ears.
That afternoon, I sat at the piano in the music room, practicing the duet song. I doubted that Tony would come, after what he said, but he turned up. He came to me and watched me play, apparently waiting for me to finish the song. I ignored him, and deliberately extended the song, taking care to repeat a few sections. He noticed this and grabbed my hands. I pushed him away.
“I’m sorry, Kim.” He sounded desperate. I ignored him and grabbed my bag, hastily heading for the door but he blocked my way.
“Go practise the song yourself. You won’t need me.” I said, throwing his notes at his chest. As I walked out, I heard him give a desperate groan. I fought the urge to run back inside to hug him and forgive him. For the rest of the week, I ignored him and refused to speak to him. I knew he was guilty about what he did because he kept throwing apologetic glances at me when we pass by each other along corridors.
As the Festival drew nearer and we didn’t even have a single practice session together, I began to worry about our duet. We didn’t know how the instruments would sound together. Besides, we also had to sing.
I panicked when Miss Clarisse suddenly called us both together to observe our progress. As I sat on the piano bench, I kept hoping that Tony had been practicing on his guitar as well as the singing. I worried for nothing though, because the duet didn’t turn out to be so bad. Miss Clarisse was pleased with our performance.
“We’ll just need some drums as the background music. I’ll take care of that. Just work harder on your singing.” She applauded as encouragement. “Well, I’ll leave you both to practise more. Good luck!” Miss Clarisse said before stepping out. I was alone with Tony. He turned to me.
“I’m really sorry, Kim.”
“Why?” I looked up at him.
“I didn’t mean what I said. It just came out of my mouth.” Tony said in a rush. I could tell that he was lying. He just didn’t want to be seen hanging around with me. After all, he was Mr. Popularity. I was Miss Freak. Being with me would corrupt his reputation. I sighed. I didn’t want to forgive him neither did I want to continue ignoring him.
“Apology accepted.” I forced a smile. Tony jumped happily.
“You’re the best, Kim. Shall we continue with our practice?” he asked, smiling widely.
I had never felt happier in my life than I felt at that moment. Tony sat next to me with his guitar while I played the piano. We sang together, sometimes correcting each other and laughing when we hit the wrong note. It was the best day of the week.
I was lying on my bed in my room one night when I suddenly had the idea of confessing to Tony. I could never confess to the person I like face-to-face. Therefore, I decided that for Tony, I would give him the folder that contained diary entries of him. It was the most important thing I possessed. I had kept my feelings for Tony for more than a year already. It was high time he knew. We had known each other since we joined the club. We had worked as partners on various projects countless times. There was no way he wouldn’t understand how I would fall for him.
I knew that he would reject me, of course, since I was the biggest freak in the school. That was why I had chosen to give him the folder. I wouldn’t have to face him and tell him. He would just have to read and automatically reject me. Then he can burn the folder, for all I care. But even so, the memory of once loving him would stay engraved in my heart forever.
The Musicale Festival finally came. I hardly got the chance to talk to him that day because I was too busy preparing for the Concert. Tony, too, was busy with the preparations for the Festival and the performance at the cafeteria.
I was backstage, briefing those involved in the Concert. All the club members were dressed in their best and looked remarkably smart. I was dressed in a light blue sleeveless dress that reached until my knees, showing off my tanned legs. My hair was tied up into a ponytail with a blue ribbon, with my fringe falling from the sides of my face. I wore contacts, instead of glasses. Miss Clarisse had commented that I looked very elegant.
The Concert went very smoothly. Our members showed extreme enthusiasm when playing their instruments. They even played rock songs by bands such as Paramore and My Chemical Romance. Although their voices weren’t as good as the original singers, they were terrific. The audience were quite impressed with the performance.
As I watched two of my juniors perform an acoustic version of the song, ‘Gone So Young’ by Amber Pacific, I looked around for Tony but he was nowhere to be seen. I figured he was preparing for the duet.
The two juniors received a thunderous applause when the song ended. Now was the last item of the concert, the duet of the chairman and vice-chairman. I looked around for Tony so that we could enter the stage together but couldn’t locate him. I took a deep breath and walked across the stage towards the grand piano. The audience quietened and I thought I heard someone yell, ”Ooohh!! It’s the freak!!”
Ignoring the rude comment, I sat on the piano bench and prepared the notes for the song. Gracefully, I started to play. Key after key I pressed before bringing my mouth close to the microphone, which was on a stand next to me.
“We were strangers, starting out on a journey…” I sang. A hush fell over the audience who had been laughing at me earlier. “Never dreaming what we’d have to go through. Now here we are, and I’m suddenly standing, at the beginning with you…”
I played a few more keys before the drummer joined in, adding a slow but jumpy beat to the song. At that moment, Tony entered, guitar in hand, and walked towards me. He was wearing a long-sleeved blue shirt, but had folded the sleeves until his elbows, and a pair of jeans. He looked terribly handsome that I almost played the wrong key.
He sat on the high stool facing the piano and pulled a microphone stand towards himself. He strummed a few strings, waiting for the right drum beat before singing.
“No one told me I was going to find you. Unexpected, what you did to my heart. When I lost hope, you were there to remind me, this is the start….”
I joined him at the chorus. It seemed like our performance was the best because when the duet ended and I joined Tony at the centre of the stage to bow to the audience, the applause we received was so deafening that I could feel the floor of the hall vibrating. After the school was dismissed and Miss Clarisse had dismissed the club members, I went to pack up my stuff. I had not changed out of my outfit yet. There was a clearing of throat behind me and I turned.
“You know, Kim, you look really beautiful in that outfit.” Tony smiled at me and I blushed.
“You look good yourself.” I dug in my bag for the folder, in an attempt to avoid his eyes.
“No really, Kim. If you wore that everyday, you’d be…”
“Tony,” I interrupted. I handed him the folder. “This is for you. It’s for your eyes and only for your eyes.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks.” Tony smiled cheekily at me. I relished that moment as I believed it to be the last time that I would ever be alone with him. The last time to be so close to him, the last time to be smiled upon by him.
“And Tony,” I added before walking away. “You look really handsome in that outfit.”
The week after I gave the folder to Tony, he completely ignored me. When we passed by each other, he wouldn’t smile. Instead, he pretended not to notice me. It deeply hurt me even though I expected it. Ashley told me that I was a brave girl to have the guts to give him the folder.
“If I were brave, I would have told him straight in the face.” I told her.
“Well, maybe. But you sacrificed your diary with your memories of him, for him.”
“I would rather have kept it.” I answered.
Being ignored by Tony was indeed heart-wrenching but treatment from the people around me have somewhat improved. Ever since my performance, students have been coming up to me to tell me that I did a splendid job. All except for Tiffany and gang. I guess she didn’t like the attention that I was getting.
A week later, I was sitting in the cafeteria with Ashley, studying when Tiffany’s shadow fell over me.
“Didn’t know freaks can fall in love with popular guys.” She smirked at me. “I like everything about him. I can‘t forget the sparkle in his eyes when he looks at me.” She laughed. I was stunned. She had imitated what I had said in the folder I gave to Tony. I remembered it was the very first entry, the day I realized I liked him. I was about to say something to her when she held up a finger.
“Oh, we know your delicious secret. Tony wants me to tell you he’s not interested in a freak like you. Who in his right mind would like you, huh?” Tiffany laughed and I resisted the strong urge to punch her. Right there, I cried my eyes out. It was alright if Tony knew but the whole school? Mom would kill me if rumours got around.
For weeks, I mulled over the fact that Tony had rejected me by telling someone to pass the message to me and in the process, letting the whole school know. Wherever I went in school, people would cast pitiful looks at me or laugh. Mom knew but she didn’t scold or nag at me. Instead, she gave me a hug. It was the first time in four years that we had exchanged a hug. I cried like a baby in her arms.
A month later, I heard that Tony had joined a Talent Time Show. We had never exchanged a single word since the day Tiffany conveyed the message that Tony passed to me. But I was happy for him that he was trying something new: singing. He had once confessed to me how he wanted to join the music industry.
I looked forward to the Talent Time Show all week. I wanted to hear Tony’s voice again, having missed it for more than a month. I’d missed being with Tony so much. His cheerful face would always flash through my mind, along with his heartwarming smile, that it was hard to fall asleep at night.
I bumped into Tony as I was walking up to the school hall for assembly for the Talent Time. I considered smiling but when he didn’t smile, I didn’t. I had to sit at the back of the hall because I came in late, therefore it slightly affected my view of Tony’s performance. Ashley sat next to me, as she had always done for the past four years: always by my side, my one true friend.
Tony’s performance was the last item. Well, it was no surprise as he was the only senior who had entered himself in the contest. I waited patiently for his turn, though still enjoying the rest of those who performed. My heart was racing when I heard the host announce the last item of the day.
There was a pause and the stage curtains drew apart, revealing Tony who was standing with an electric guitar. A mike stand stood before him and he adjusted the microphone before beginning. Beside him stood William, who was playing the bass guitar but he also had a mike stand with him. Behind the both of them was their friend, who was playing the drums.
At first, I couldn’t recognize the song but after the first verse, I immediately knew what song it was. It was my favourite.
“This time, this place, misused, mistakes. Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?”
The girls in the audience screamed at the sound of Tony’s voice. I wanted to scream myself, I was crazy for that song but I doubted Tony knew. I watched as Tony played the electric guitar like an expert; he must have taken weeks to practise. Halfway through the song, I was in tears. Tony was incredible.
“But you know, you know, you know… I wanted, I wanted you to stay. ‘Cause I needed, I need to hear you say. That I love you. I have loved you all along. And I forgive you. For being away for far too long.” Tony sang with so much emotion.
“So keep breathing, ‘cause I’m not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold on to me and never let me go.” With these two sentences, Tony finished the song of ‘Far Away’ by Nickelback. The applause for Tony went on for a long time, even the teachers were applauding. I was so proud of Tony and loved him even more.
When the applause ended, Tony was still standing on the stage. I saw his eyes searching the audience for someone. Then they fell on me. I was surprised to see a smile on his handsome face. He gave his guitar to William and went to the microphone.
“Hey, everyone.” He said and the audience responded with cheers. “I hope you enjoyed the performance. The song is dedicated to a certain someone, who is important in my life.”
I didn’t want to hear what Tony had to say about that someone. I stood up and quickly made a run for the exit.
“No! Kimberly, STOP!!” A voice boomed in my ear. I froze and turned. Tony was standing at the front of the hall, looking at me. “This song is dedicated to you.”
I stopped crying almost immediately and watched as Tony slowly made his way towards me.
“Kim, you were the person who made me realize what beauty truly means. In a dictionary, it means physical personal appearance. But you showed me where beauty really lies. In our hearts.” Tony spoke through the mike. I couldn’t believe he was saying that to me, and with the whole school watching.
“Your diary has said a lot. I’ve been a jerk, hurting you all the time. I only saw you as what you were in appearance. But you’re really beautiful, inside and also outside.” By then, Tony was face-to-face with me. I looked up at him, my eyes brimming with tears. “You understood me more than anyone. You were patient with me though I hurt you countless times. You even sacrificed your memories for me.” Tony chuckled. “I’m very touched.”
“Tony…”
“I just want to tell you, and the world, that I’ve done enough hurting. I’ve been a jerk enough. I’ve had enough, acting as someone I don’t even know. It’s only with you, that I feel like I really do belong.”
“Tony…”
“After reading your diary, I took some time to digest it. I’m sorry for taking so long. I’m sorry for making you wait. But the truth is, I do love you too.” Tony touched my cheek and my skin tingled.
I stared up at Tony. He looked incredibly handsome when he was serious. I wanted to believe what he said but it was so hard to do so. The tears I had held back flowed again, wetting Tony’s shirt.
“Do you really love me?” I asked, unable to control my sobbing.
“Yes. I realize that only now. Am I too late?” Tony asked.
“No.” I saw Tony smile. He dropped the microphone onto the floor and leaned towards me for a kiss.
Everyone in the hall stood up in applause as we kissed. I was aware of them watching but was too caught up with Tony’s kiss.
After that day, I was a freak no more, but the equal as everyone in school. Tony had changed the outlook of the whole school. There was no line between the popular and the unpopular people. Everyone treated each other the same and didn’t care about their looks.
Everyone was surprised to know that I was Mrs. Anderson’s daughter. They admired me because I was as intelligent as Mrs. Anderson. I rekindled my relationship with Mom, hoping to build a better relationship with her, to make up for the years we missed.
Tony didn’t mind me being the way I am because, like he said, he didn’t care whether I was beautiful or not. He loved me for who I am. He had learnt his lesson to not judge a book by its cover. We still shared the same passion for music and were still leaders of the club.
Not only did I have Tony, the person I love, but I had also renewed my relationship with my mother and made more friends. I had love, family and friends. What else could any girl have wanted?
natasha,if you're reading this,i really don't know how to thank you for the photo collages.they were so nice,your efforts are not wasted because i will hang them up on my room wall,even if there is no space.but of course,they will be the first things i'd hang up so no worries about space.i really appreciate what you did.i definitely can't thank you enough.but hey,your birthday's coming! so my turn now.
before "departing"
hers & mine
his name
