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Tuesday, July 18, 2006


man.i do not deserve this.after all i've been through.
i really do not deserve this.i've been hanging on for so long.
the tears,the pain,the sadness.
and he really doesn't care at all.
after what happened last tuesday,he acts like nothing happened.
and i had this big emotional breakdown today.
i couldn't take it anymore.
i've been trying to hold back the tears but i just suddenly couldn't take it.
and i let the tears flow.
even though before that,i vent my anger and frustration on a soccer ball.
with natasha.though she didn't know it.
taking out my anger on a ball wasn't enough.
i still had a breakdown later.
and it was so bad.my heart felt like it was being ripped apart.
and the stupid cramps made it worst.
do i deserve this?
seriously.do i?
after trying to be strong for him.
and then being treated like this.like bullshit.
this is crazy.
i really can't take it anymore.
wish i cried in front of him instead.
wish i vented my anger on him instead.

~ { 8:14 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side

Thursday, July 13, 2006


hais.its already thursday.man,don't the days pass by so quickly.
tomorrow,there's still the cca photo-taking session.hope tomorrow's session will be as great as the one on tuesday.tuesday was fun too.
anyway,i don't know why i just feel so happy today.i guess it's because of tuesday.
heehees.but today,i kena bullied by natasha.just because i'm smaller,she go and bully me.then shuyi keep on laughing at me.but i'm glad that i have friends like that.even if they bully me,i know that they'll protect me when i need their protection.i know that they'll be there when i need a shoulder to cry on.because only friends like them bring laughter into my life.
to nfs.cheers!!

~ { 6:28 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side

Friday, July 07, 2006


okay, everyone's saying that i've not been myself lately.
i don't know if there's something wrong with them
or there's something wrong with ME !!
fine,maybe i don't notice if i've not been myself
when natasha said that i'm not myslf lately,
i caught myself wondering.
was it really because of him...or was is just me?
she said ever since cca this week,
i've been so down on myself
so i realised that it should be because of him.
i've been trying so hard to be strong
i wanted so hard to be strong
i wanted not to cry over him all the time
but it's just so hard
i don't like to talk about whatever that bothers me
i prefer thinking about them
and what i should do next
natasha says i shouldn't bottle everything up
but i want to
because i don't know how to put everything into words
but the question is...
am i hurting the people around me?

~ { 12:21 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


my god !!
it's been so long since i posted.
!!!!
oh all right. i'm busy, thats why.
for one thing,there's the holidays. which means..i go out and enjoy myself.
actually,just cycling. now i know why i'm so skinny.
because natasha said i got a high metabollic rate or something.
which means i burn calories very fast.
or whatever..
next,i'm figuring out the story and reading books for inspiration.
which means i have no time to blog.hahahahahaha..!!
but then,i still blog.hahaha.
anyways,i went out with natasha and shuyi yesterday.
go to the white sands library and took pictures with 'books for dummies'.
so funny.people look at us like we're crazy or something.
then we took more pictures.walk around.look here and there.
then natasha went all gaga over a cute baby eeyore plush toy.
all me and shuyi could do was laugh.send natasha home.send shuyi home.
so far so good.not a bad day.
i guess i go now.talk to much.aiyah,got homework !!

~ { 7:16 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side